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‘Everybody gets a free Tip Top’

STRABANE’S own answer to the Caped Crusader, Strabatman, has unveiled his new election promises.

One half of the local Facebook sensation, The Strabanter, ‘Bats’ video of errant manifesto pledges has – at the time of going to press – clocked up almost 8,000 views, in voting terms over 7,000 more than he would need to actually get elected.

With a tagline of ‘Stap what yir at and vote for da Bat,’ the promises range from the sublime to the majestic.

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“Hello there everybody, dis is Bats here,” he begins. “I I just want to let you all know, I’ll running to be the councillor for Strabane and the Ballycolman district. I will be representing everybody in Strabane except the Head of the Town, they don’t need any representation…”

Strabats also referred to his arch-enemy, “Big Fat Massive,” who is talking of running for election on May 2.

“Let’s see what you’ll get if you vote for me…” ‘Bats explains before going into his list.

“You like Tip Tops? Everybody gets a free Tip Top once a week.

“I will bring back the wee snap, crackle and pop, Rice Krispie spoons that you used to get out of the Rice Krispie box.

“Everybody gets to punch Harry Potter in the b****.

“Whoever calls kerbsie anything else but kerbsie, will be charged a fine and kicked outta Strabane and sent over to Lifford.

“Freddo Bars will be brought down to 5p.

“Everybody will get a free horse.

“Springhill will be turned into a designating s****** spot for dogs, especially (dogs) from the Ballycolman.

“There will be 11 sweets in a 10 mix-up.

“I will make Fizzy-lizzies even more fizzier.”

He concluded, “So stop what you’re at and vote for the Bat. A vote for me, is a vote for tea. I’m the man, like Jackie Chan.”

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The Strabane Chronicle is published by North West of Ireland Printing & Publishing Company Limited, trading as North-West News Group.
Registered in Northern Ireland, No. R0000576. 15 Main Street, Strabane, Co. Tyrone, Northern Ireland, BT82 8AS